I've come to the point where I can't trust anyone anymore. I've been so stupid about telling people things because I thought I could trust them and I really couldn't.
I've also learned that gossip is a very powerful thing. I've been hurt by it and I know other people who have been hurt by it and I even know people I've hurt by gossiping. I've let my friends down and the people who I thought were my friends let me down. I've been really convicted about that lately and today something happened that just pushed me over the edge and made me realize that I'm just like the people I gossip about, and the things I do are just as bad as the things they have done. I'm no better than they are. I really want to stop doing that because it causes too much pain and drama and stuff. so I'm going to be slower to speak than I have been because friends will stab you in the back with no warning whatsoever and you'll be left wondering what in the world happened.
I realized today that there's a bunch of hypocracy in the people around me who say theyre christians. I guess that's because they give this profession of faith and when they do something wrong you're not expecting it. I've also grown farther apart from some of my friends. I see stuff theyre doing and I don't want to be a part of it anymore and it makes me so sad and I plead to them not to do it and I realize that I used to do that stuff too. I guess that should sort of be encouraging because it shows that I've changed, but it really makes me sad too because they just won't listen.
It seems that ever since I got saved more people have said bad stuff about me or said I've done bad things and I get in trouble and dissapoint my family and the people around me because again...people gossip and people get hurt. It's really been more than ever since I got saved. I thought things would be better and that there would be less gossip and stuff but it's been the other way around. I guess because satan tries to mess with us and stuff and make us fall into sin. I've just been more convicted than ever and I feel soo bad and I wonder why did I do that?? I know it's wrong and I know I shouldn't have and this is not what the Lord wanted me to do...but I did it anyway. I hate when that happens because then I let my parents down and with my dad being a pastor it's kinda worse because the biggest thing he wants is for me and my siblings to be saved and follow the Lord. I remember a couple weeks after I told my dad I wanted to get baptized me and my mom were mad at each other about some homework and I was talking back to her and my dad came in there and was like "why are you guys yelling? it's just homework and especially you! (he was talking to me) you just came to me and said you were saved and you're doing this" and when he said that...it just made me want to cry...and I did later...because I let him down and now I did something wrong when I'm trying to show fruits so that he can tell that I've changed and then I mess up and that's what he sees.
It's really hard being a christian.
Well, I don't know what else to say...but remember to keep Christ first and when you mess up repent and ask for the people involved to forgive you and ask for God's forgiveness and He will forgive you. We're all sinners...we're going to sin...but remember God's grace.
~WonderfullyMade~
