Let It All Out

This song hit me hard last night. This is why I love this band so much. I haven't listened to them in a while, but somehow I always find their songs at the worst parts of my life and always regain a new sense of hope and encouragement after listening. I know it's not the song that makes me feel better, ultimately it's God, but the songs do help immensely. I'm still really stressed out and overwhelmed by piano and graduating and other things. I think there's something bigger hiding under there too but I can't figure out what it is, so please pray for me. I need to learn to trust God more. I'll leave it at that.

Let It All Out
A song by Relient K

Let it all out, get it all out, rip it out, remove it
Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed

'Cause we're so scared to find out what this life's all about
So scared we're going to lose it
Not knowing all along that's exactly what we need

And today I will trust you with the confidence of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did I will stare at you in disbelief
Oh, inconsistent me crying out for consistency

And you said, "I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there"

And I'll let it be known at times I have shown signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me there is strength
And you promise me that you believe in time I will defeat this
'Cause somewhere in me there is strength

And today I will trust you with the confidence of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget that that man isn't me

You said, "I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
When the burden seems too much to bear
Remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there"

Reach out to me, make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for You, for You
And I know You know You touched my life
When You touched my heavy heart and made it light

God, all this time I needed You

Another one of my favorite songs.

I So Hate Consequences
A song by Relient K

And I'm good, good, good to go
I got to get away
Get away from all of my mistakes

So here I sit looking at the traffic lights
The red extinguishes I hope that the green ignites
I want to run away I want to ditch my life
Cause all of my mistakes keep me awake at night

And after all of my alibis desert me
I just want to get by
I don't want nothing to hurt me
I had no idea where my head was at
But if my heart says "I'm sorry" can we leave it at that?
Because I just want for all of this to end

And I so hate consequences
And running from You is what my best defense is
Whoa, Consequences
God, don't make me face up to this
And I so hate consequences
And running from You is what my best defense is
Cause I know that I let You down
And I don't want to deal with that

It just now hit me this is more than just a set back
And when you spelled it out, well, I guess I didn't get that
And every trace of momentum is gone
And this isn't turning out the way I want

And after all of my alibis desert me
I just want to get by
I don't want nothing to hurt me
I had no idea where my head was at
But if my heart says "I'm sorry" can we leave it at that?
Because I just want for all of this to end

And I so hate consequences
And running from You is what my best defense is
Whoa, Consequences
God, don't make me face up to this
And I so hate consequences
And running from You is what my best defense is
Cause I know that I let You down
And I don't want to deal with that

And I spent all last night
Tearing down
Every stoplight
And stop sign in this town
Now I think there might
Be no way to stop me now
I'll get away despite
The fact I'm so weighed down
All of my escapes have been exhausted
I thought I had a way but then I lost it
And my resistance was once much stronger
And I know I can't go on like this much longer

When I got tired of running from You
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There Your words they caught my ears
You said, "I miss you son, come home"
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love You felt for me was mine
The love I'd wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told you so's
I said the words I knew You knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed You
God all this time I needed You, I needed You

And I so hate consequences
And running from You is what my best defense is
I hate these consequences
Because I know that I let you down
And I don't want to deal with that

In His Holy Presence I am Healed and Unashamed

I have the best friend in the world. I spent the night with her last night. We talked about things I'd never talked to anyone about, and she didn't hate me. I thank the Lord for her. I don't cry in songs ever, but last night right before I went to bed was the closest I've ever come to crying during a song. I'd never thought about it in the context of what we were talking about, but it came to mind last night and it really hit home. Hard.

Carried to the Table
A song by Leeland

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

I'm carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

(It's healing in Your arms, for the broken)
You carried me, my God
You carried me
You carried me, my God
You carried me

I want to post more often. But I don't know what to post about. I guess I could post about my day... or things I learned that day... or something... but that might be really lame.
Would that be really lame?

Throw It Away

A song by Fiction Family

I think about the life I live
A figure made of clay
I think about the things I lost
The things I gave away

And when I'm in a certain mood
I search the house and look
One night I found these magic words
In a magic book

Throw it away
Throw it away
Give your love, live your life
Each and every day
And keep your hand wide open
Let the sun shine through
'Cause you can never lose a thing
If it belongs to you

There's a hand to rock the cradle
There's a hand to help us stand
With a gentle kind of motion
As it moves across this land

And to hand's unclenched and open
Gifts of life and love it brings
So keep your hand wide open
If you're needing anything

Throw it away
Throw it away
Give your love, live your life
Each and every day
Keep your hand wide open
Let the sun shine through
'Cause you can never lose a thing
If it belongs to you

This is my take on what the song means. In the beginning, obviously, he's thinking about his life and what all he's done in his life. I think the figure made of clay line is referring to the whole Jesus is the potter, we are the clay thing. The next few lines, I think he could be thinking about the things he's lost or had to give up since becoming a Christian. But he's dissatisfied. He searches and looks for something to satisfy him in the world, but he can't. We all do that sometimes... it happens when we put the focus on ourselves instead of God. Then he says he found these magic words in a magic book. Words of life found in the Bible.
Throw it away - throw away all the things of the world because none of it will satisfy you. You can search and search and search, but you'll always be left wanting more. Throw it away. Give your love to everyone who needs it and live your life to the fullest for God every day. I was talking to my friend Gerry on the phone and she said something interesting about the next lines. She said she heard it from somewhere, to "keep your hands unclenched and don't hold on too tightly. God can take things away. But, whatever he takes away he will replace it with something better." I like that idea. Sometimes we get so caught up in the here and now and we forget to think about ultimate things. We get upset when things don't go the way we thought they were supposed to. We get upset when God doesn't do the things we want him to do. We get upset when things are going really well but then he takes something away. I know I do that a lot. I get so upset about things that don't even matter. We have to remember that all things work together for good, and he has a perfect plan for us. whatever he takes away is for your good, and once you realize that, you get an incredible joy that's not found anywhere else in the universe. It's a completely satisfying joy. Knowing that whatever happens, was in fact supposed to happen. The Lord will take care of you no matter what.
The rest of the song is pretty easy to understand. God is there when we need him. He rocks our cradle, he helps us stand. He gives life. He gives love. Just ask him when you need anything, and he'll give it to you. Not on your time, but on his.

You can't appreciate this song fully until you listen to it. It's amazing. Jon is so good at making the listener feel what he's feeling. Fiction Family's album is incredible. I suggest you buy it soon.

Reviews.

I wrote these. Probably the only things I've ever enjoyed writing. They're pretty short because space was limited in the newsletter they were put in.

Switchfoot Release - The Best Yet

The massively popular band Switchfoot has reached a landmark in their incredible decade-long career with the release of their first ever Greatest Hits record, The Best Yet. This album is a fantastic 18-song collection featuring the band’s most popular songs and finest works from all six of their full length albums.

With each and every song on The Best Yet bringing different sounds to the table, the album truly highlights the diverse range of Switchfoot’s musical abilities. Thought-provoking lyrics, energizing rock, and soothing melodies are all present. Songs like “Meant to Live”, “Stars”, and “Lonely Nation” capture the band’s solid rock sound full of passion while “Only Hope”, “On Fire”, and “The Shadow Proves the Sunshine” slow things down and stir up great emotions in the listener.

With such a wonderful assortment of songs, The Best Yet is perfect for anyone being introduced to Switchfoot for the first time. For long time fans, the deluxe edition of this release includes a DVD featuring all 14 music videos Switchfoot has ever put out. So, whether you’re a newcomer to the Switchfoot family, or a hardcore fan wanting more, The Best Yet is definitely worth the investment.

Jon Foreman Release – Limbs And Branches

Listeners may be surprised when first hearing Jon Foreman’s solo release Limbs And Branches. Because Foreman is the frontman for Switchfoot, naturally one would expect something similar. The fact is Limbs And Branches is very different from anything Switchfoot has ever put out. Take Switchfoot, get rid of the electric guitars and amps, trade the stage for a living room, throw in a cello and some horns, and you’ve got Jon Foreman.

From the first note of the first song, “Your Love is Strong”, Limbs And Branches draws the listener into the music and doesn’t release him until long after the last hum of “Over The River” has resonated. Most of the album is soft, slow, and beautiful but the songs “Resurrect Me” and “Instead Of a Show” liven things up.

Limbs And Branches is absolutely one of the finest albums I have ever heard. The acoustic, down-tempo guitar, the honest lyrics infused with Scripture passages, the soulful melodies, and the raw emotions from the writer make this album truly breathtaking.

If you’re looking for more from Jon Foreman, be sure to pick up his side project with Sean Watkins of Nickel Creek, Fiction Family, due out January 20th.

I'm a little confused.

Just so everyone knows, I HATE writing. Writing like this is fine because it doesn't have to follow any pattern or anything, and I don't have to use special verbs and interesting words and all that, but writing for school is terrible. I don't like it at all. It always takes me an insanely long time to write something. I hate it.

Well, this year I was on my co-op's newspaper staff. I wasn't on there to write, I joined because my mom wanted me to and I was going to do the Guess Who section because all that involves is asking people questions and sending the answers to the editor. This month, I got asked to write album reviews of Switchfoot's The Best Yet and Jon Foreman's Limbs And Branches. Easy. I liked doing that because, well, I love Switchfooot and I love music.

I just got this e-mail from the newspaper lady:

Christi Dear,

I just wanted you to know that I was blown away by your music reviews. They were excellently written and very well thought out. Do you have any idea what a talented writer you are? Do you have any interest in pursuing writing as a career?

Bravo!
Mrs. N

o.O ? *scratches head*

I am most definitely not a talented writer. Even talented writers' blogs are well written. Mine aren't. I want to be a musician. I love music. I hate writing.

You know those days when nothing seems to go right?

Well, that was today. And yesterday.

Yesterday, I wanted to go see Savannah and Gerry. They're my best friends and I hardly ever see them because they live 40 minutes away and I can't drive and both of our families don't have money to spend on gas to drive there without a legitment reason. I also wanted to go see Anberlin and Between The Trees yesterday. I got a new camera lens and I really wanted to use it for the show.

Well, Wednesday, my mom said I couldn't go to the Anberlin show. We got into a huge argument and I was about to cry then I went in my room to finish school. She then came into my room and said "If you're going to have a bad attitude like that then go to the stupid concert. Just go. Know that I don't want you to go, and Dad doesn't want you to go, but if that's all you care about then go and do what you want and follow your idol. I don't care." Well, that sure made me feel a heck of a lot better.

Then, I found out I couldn't go see Savannah and Gerry because my mom told my dad I wasn't going because I said I was going to orchestra instead. Yeah, I said I was going to orchestra, but I was going to go to Easley before that. By that time, it was 10 o'clock at night and it was too late to call Mr. Johnny and tell him we were coming.

My Thursday was ruined. I had a whole lot of school and piano to do on Thursday, but my alarm didn't go off and I woke up at 11:48. I went to orchestra, but it was stupid. It was the first day after Christmas break and all we did was sit there for most of the time while we got music passed back in and new music handed out. We played one song, but that was it. I missed seeing my best friends for that.

Then, I sat at home doing school, practicing piano, and sitting in front of the computer screen all night instead of going to see Anberlin. Well, I did go to swim practice, but that's not fun. My Thursday was horrible. But, I did find out that Standing Small is going to be at The Channel on Sunday. So that made me feel better, because I could take pictures of them. They're certainly not Anberlin, but they're still super awesome, and I can take super awesome pictures of them.

Today started off good. I woke up on time, and I got all of my school done except for some French I still needed to do, then I went with my mom to go to my grandma's to clean her house. I thought we were only going to be over there for 2 hours, at the most, but my mom had to run errands and that took forever, and we ended up staying at my grandma's until 7:30. I still had 2 lessons of French to do and 2 hours of piano to practice. I also found out that I can't go see Standing Small on Sunday. I can't drive so I can't go by myself, I have no one to go with and I don't have enough money. I do, but not enough to go to the show, pay my texting bill, and get the Fiction Family vinyl, which I really, really want.

Anyway, we got McDonalds for dinner and ate it at home. I don't like Pickles and onions so I asked my mom if she wanted them, she said she did but then my parents went upstairs. After a while when I was cleaning up the kitchen I told Amy to go upstairs and ask my mom if she wanted the pickles and onions. Instead, she asked if they wanted some food. They said no, then I told her to ask them about the pickles and onions, not the food, and she wouldn't do it. So I started yelling at her because I was in the kitchen and she was upstairs, and she wouldn't ask them what I wanted her to ask them. So she came back downstairs and said they wanted to be left alone and that my dad said I was obnoxious. Thinking they weren't coming back down since they wanted to be left alone, I threw away the pickles and onions. After that I went upstairs to help Amy set up her DVD player and my mom came out of her room and I said "I hope you didn't want those pickles and onions" and she was like "what?! Yeah! I do! I told you I did!" and then my dad came out and was like "you threw away the pickles and onions?!" and then we got into this huge way exaggerated argument about pickles and onions and it all got blamed on me when yeah, some of it was my fault, but I did tell Amy to ask them and she didn't ask them what I told her to. When she said they wanted to be left alone I assumed they weren't coming back down and that Mom didn't want them. It was really, really stupid, but I was being yelled at and I started crying which made it even worse.

After that was over, I went to finish my 2 lessons of French and I did terrible. I kept making stupid mistakes and getting them wrong (it's on the computer) and I ended up getting like, a 70. Then I went downstairs to practice 2 hours of piano. By this time it was 9 o'clock. Normally, I enjoy practicing piano, but I was in no mood to then. So, I started practicing and I kept messing up. A lot. One of my favorite songs I couldn't get into beacuse I was disctracted and that song is so boring if you can't put emotion into it. Then I decided to work on Moonlight Sonata. The first movement was crazy boring because if you don't play that with emotion it's just seven minutes of... boring. The 2nd and 3rd movements were just as bad. Time kept going by really slowly, and I kept messing up and it was really frustrating. I hate practicing when I don't feel like it. It's just like sitting in a chair for 2 hours doing nothing.

Anyway, there were some other things that don't really matter that happened. But, yesterday and today were terrible days. I didn't feel like doing anything, and I had a whole lot of school to catch up on and a whole lot of piano to practice because I didn't practice on Wednesday because I didn't have time. UGH!

And no, this isn't going to be one of those posts where it ends happy and I talk about God and how I know I shouldn't be feeling like this. No. Yesterday was a terrible day. Today was an even worse day, and that's all there is to it.

Year In Review/Plans For This Year

2008 is over my friends. It had it's ups and downs, but overall it was a good year.

Some good music came in 2008. I didn't buy near as many albums as I wanted to, so I know there's a ton of stuff I missed out on. But I did happen to get several great records. Out of those, here's my top 10.

Top 10 Albums for 2008:

10. Copeland - You Are My Sunshine

This is a really great album. It's very... different, but I like it a lot. It's good music for listening to when you want to ponder things or if you want to relax.

9. Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs

I have to say, I was a little dissapointed in this record. It wasn't what I was hoping. In my opinion, it's nowhere near as good as their previous records. But, even with all that going against, it's a wonderful album. Death Cab is that good.


8. House of Heroes - The End Is Not The End

Some of the songs on this record do kind of blend together, but as a whole, it's a great record. I enjoyed it much better than Say No More.


7. Jack's Mannequin - The Glass Passenger

What can I say? I'm a sucker for piano rock.


6. Leeland - Opposite Way

I dig this band.


5. Fall Out Boy - Folie a Deux

Never in a million years would I have thought I'd put a Fall Out Boy on my Top 10 list. Never in a billion years would I have thought it'd be this high on the list. Biggest surprise of the year. Holy amazing. This is a fantastic album. For serious.


4. Right Away, Great Captain! - The Eventually Home

Andy Hull is genius. He really made me feel what he was feeling. I really like artists who can do that. I really like this music.


3. Panic At The Disco - Pretty. Odd.

These guys are talented. This album is completely different than their first, which I also enjoyed. How they made such a drastic change and still made it sound awesome, and still made it feel like the same band, is amazing. They're just that good.

2. Jon Foreman - Spring & Summer

My favorite Jon EP's.


1. Relient K - The Bird And The Bee Sides

Whoa! Relient K is number one on my list! Who would have thought?! No, but seriously. This Album/EP/B-sides/whatever you want to call it is, in my opinion, Relient K's best work. It easily takes the top spot on this list. Amazing.

Honorable mentions:
Anberlin - New Surrender
Coldplay - Viva La Vida
The Killers - Day & Age

Standing Small - Oh Sweet Child (go check this band out now!)

Goals for 2009:

1. Read my Bible every day

2. Practice the piano 2 hours every week day

3. Get better at playing the violin

4. Get better at playing the guitar

5. Learn to play the cello

6. Better my prayer life

7. Have a better relationship with the Lord

8. Do a "big hard thing"

9. Stop procrastinating

10. Go to at least 3 Relient K concerts

11. Go see The Rocket Summer in concert

12. See Leeland in concert

14. Take really awesome pictures of bands

15. See Savannah and Gerry at least once every 2 weeks

16. Learn to play the blues (the genre, not the song. Although the song would be nice to learn)

17. Keep my room clean for at least 2 months

18. Not skip swim practice just becauseI don't feel like going

19. Graduate high school

20. Have a senior piano recital and not completely blow it

22. Get a scholarship

23. Not procrastinate on my homework

24. Be nicer to my little sister

25. Be more patient with my older brother

26. Become closer to my mom

27. Be more confident

28. Get a picture with Matt Thiessen and John Warne

29. Get Matt Thiessen, John Warne, and Jon Schneck to sign my shoe that already has Ethan Luck and Matt Hoopes' signatures.

30. Meet Drew Shirley and Tim Foreman

31. Witness to someone/lead someone to Christ

32. Make a new friend

33. Help someone in need

34. Be a better friend

35. Drive by myself

37. Save money to purchase something important

38. Not spend as much time on the computer

39. Read more books. Not just novels, but books that you get something out of when you're done.

40. Be a better person in general

Year in Review:

Some great things happened this year. I met my favorite band. I had my first actual job. I learned to drive. I learned a song I've been wanting to learn ever since I started playing piano. I made my first purchase over $250, a DSLR camera. I gained confidence. My uncle got saved. I grew closer to my family. My dad lost 70 pounds.

2008 also had it's share of not so great moments. Scary moments. Sad moments. Worried moments. But somehow, all those things seemed to work themselves out by the grace of God.

My family has less money than we have ever had, but through that we've grown closer to each other and learned to appreciate the more simple things in life. At the same time, I also learned that I'm a really selfish person. I often got jealous of other people who have more than we do, and that's the completely wrong way to act. The best things in life really are free. I think we forget that a lot. My Christmas was really good. I didn't get that many things, but that's not the point. Christmas is definitely not about things. More of our family members than ever were here during the Christmas season. It was definitely the best Christmas I have ever had. Stuff is not important. It's all going to burn up sooner than we think. This year I want to be more thankful for what I have and learn to trust in the Lord in everything.

I read a life changing book this year. It's called Do Hard Things and it's by Alex and Brett Harris. I strongly suggest that you read this book. It will change your life. As I was reading those pages, it hit me like a brick to the face. I am so lazy. I procrastinate all the time. I do nothing of any significance. And when I do, I don't try hard to do it the best I can. I don't want to do that anymore. This year I want to stop being lazy. I want to get my homework done when it needs to be done. I want to practice piano as much and more than I am supposed to. I want to read my Bible every day. I want to lead someone to the Lord this year. I want to do something big for the glory of God. I don't know what big hard thing I want to do, but I know I want to do something. I want it to happen this year. I'm not going to waste this year like I did last year.

Last year I did some things I'm not proud of. I didn't read my Bible as much as I should have. I acted selfishly so many times. I was jealous. I was depressed. I was envious. I was mean. I lied. I cheated. I hurt peoples feelings. I was angry. I gossipped. I thought things I shouldn't have thought. I did things I shouldn't have done. So many times I acted the way I knew that I shouldn't have. I know that's human nature, and that I am going to sin a lot this year (and already have) and fall into the same sins sometimes, but I really want to make a bigger effort this year to live my life to glorify God.

I love new years. It's like a fresh start. A second chance. Maybe I'll be writing this exact same post on January 1st, 2010. Who knows? But I have a strong feeling this year is going to be a good one. I hope the same applies to you.

Happy New Year.