Never Underestimate My Jesus

I've been doing alot of thinking lately. Some things have been happening in my life. I have friends that I used to hang out with alot and now I find myself feeling very different from them and I feel excluded from their conversations alot when I'm around them. It's mostly their conversations that are not glorifying to God. I know that that's a good thing, but it makes me really sad that they do that and it makes me sad that I used to do and talk about the exact same things they're doing and talking about. Lately I've found myself growing furthur apart from people that I used to really really enjoy hanging out with but at the same time, my relationships with my few Christian friends have been getting stronger.

I recently found out that one of my friends has started smoking. He's only 13 years old. I don't want to mention his name so I'll just call him Jack. Everyone except for me and 2 or 3 other people seem to think there's nothing wrong with it and that it's his life and he can do whatever he wants to. Last night I was talking to someone (Let's call him Michael) and I thought it would be good for Michael to talk to Jack because Jack likes him and I figured he might listen to what Michael has to say. So I was telling Michael that Jack had just started smoking and I was getting really emotional about it and he was like "Why are you so upset about this?" And I said "Oh my gosh! Why am I so upset about this? First of all, he's pretty much killing himself. He's on a downward spiral right now and if he doesn't stop this I know that he's going to get into worse things and one day he's going to end up in jail on the verge of death. I'm worried about him. I don't like to see anyone making the wrong decisions." Michael didn't seem to care. Now don't get me wrong, I don't judge people because they smoke or anything like that but you have to remember that Jack is 13 years old and he's the kind of person that will get into worse things if he doesn't stop this. Michael was also talking to someone on the phone and she didn't seem to care about it either. She was like "Ooohhh Jack's a BA. Christi why do you care so much? It's his life...let him do what he wants. I'm sure he doesn't want people nagging on him about it so much"

I also was talking about Christian music with Michael. He doesn't like "Christian Rock" music. He thinks it's an oxi-moron or something like that. Sometimes he won't listen to a band just because they're Christian. The first question he asks me when I tell him about a cool band is "Are they Christian?". That really bugs me. He was like "Where does rock music come from? Wasn't it a rebellion against authorities" or something like that... I said something like "What's wrong with Christian rock music? They're artists making the kind of music that they like singing about what they want to sing about which is mostly going to be God." and I went on telling him about how much more I enjoy listening to Christian music than secular music because of the joy that the lyrics that are glorifying to God bring me. Secular music also makes me happy but I feel a sense of eternal joy when I listen to certain Christian songs because of just the amazing things God has done in my life. I told him about Relient K's song For The Moments I Feel Faint and how it says "Never underestimate my Jesus. You're telling me that there's no hope, I'm telling you you're wrong. Never underestimate my Jesus. When the world around you crumbles He will be strong". I cannot even begin to describe to you how much that means to me knowing that He will indeed be strong when everything else seems to fall apart. There's not going to be power like that in a secular band's song. So Michael said to me "Well then you're glorifying them and not God. You can't use that as your Bible" I said "No, I'm not glorifying them above God. When I listen to that song I'm reminded of the things God does for me and I can praise HIM and glorify HIM. Then I can also thank God for what He's done in my life and I can thank Him for what he's done in the band member's lives". Michael eventually gave in and said I was right but I still could tell how he really felt. He's not going to listen to that stuff and I realized that the reason he doesn't appriciate it is because honestly, I don't think he's a true believer and the Bible says that an unbeliever can't understand the things of God. That breaks my heart knowing that they're eyes have not been opened to the amazing things that God does every day.

Sunday night I was thinking about all this stuff and it brought me to the point of tears for my friends that don't have Christ in their lives. But at the same time there were also tears of joy for what God has done in my life and that I'm not like are anymore. They all go to church and they have all the head knowledge that they could ever have but they don't show fruits in the way they live their lives and the way they talk and stuff...I feel really sorry for them. I love them all so much and I don't want anything bad to happen to them. Like I said earlier I don't enjoy hanging out with them as much as I used to because I've been radically changed by the almighty power of God and I don't have any desire to do or talk about the things I used to do and talk about. I'm not saying I'm perfect, because I most definately am not. I sin all the time and I see more sin in my life now than I ever have because I used to not care about it or identify it as a sin in my life but now I feel so horrible every time I do something not glorifying to God.

Please be in prayer for my friend who is smoking. If he doesn't stop I don't know what will happen to him but it's definately not good. I tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't care at all about the consequences. I said that every time he smokes a cigarette he's bringing himself one step closer to death and he just replied by saying "everyone dies eventually". I told him that he would probably die at a younger age than he would if he wasn't smoking and he said "There was this one guy that smoked all his life and he lived to be 80 something years old" I tried to tell him that that's just one guy out of a lot but he just went on promising me that he's not going to die of lung cancer or anything like that but he's not going to stop smoking. It really breaks my heart when I think about him because I am so worried about him. He's on a downward spiral and I don't want to see him go down the wrong path. God is the only one who can help him. Please be praying that his eyes would be opened and he would realize that he shouldn't be doing that.

I don't really know how to end this blog so I'm just gonna stop now.

You can turn mistakes to miracles

I really don't understand how God can still love me. I'm such a horrible person and I'm reminded of that every day. If I didn't have Him in my life I have no clue where I'd be but I know it would not be good. I really need to get my priorities straight. I've been such a procrastinator lately and I'm so lazy all the time. I do things I know that I shouldn't do all the time. Every day. I feel like such a horrible person. When I fail I'm reminded of God's grace and I'm comforted but I still feel sooo amazingly awful. The Bible does say that if you really hate your sin it's a sign of salvation so I guess I should be encouraged. It's really easy to get bummed though, but I just remember that God is always there and He will forgive me. I am proud to say that I'm a child of the King.

Right now I really love this song. It's exactly how I feel.

It's Beautiful - Eleventyeven

I wish that You would tell me how
You know me well and want to be together.
Falling short and faded out
but You keep making gardens in this desert.
despite the grace that I dismiss
forgiveness was the catalyst
to penetrate my heart with what is true

It's beautiful
You can turn mistakes to miracles.
The way that You still love me after all
It's beautiful.

Redeem the years I've thrown away
I'm ready to make good on what I've wasted.
I'm asking You to shape my heart,
I wanna be Your work of art.
Cause when You change me and make me more like You

It's beautiful
You can turn mistakes to miracles.
The way that You still love me after all
It's beautiful.

So help me God forbid
I never take for granted
This endless gift You give.

It's beautiful
You can turn mistakes to miracles.
The way that You still love me after all
It's beautiful

I wish that You would tell me how
You know me well and want to be together