I don't know what to put here

Last night I pretty much had an emotional breakdown at the dinner table.
Yeah...I don't know how it happened.

Before dinner, we were filling out my application to the Fine Arts Center and it came to where I had to circle what grade I was in so I circled eleventh and my dad was like "wait a minute...you're not in 11th grade" and we were talking about that and he was getting upset because my mom hadn't really talked to him about that...and like how he didn't want me to go to college that young. So that conversation went on for a little while...Then we were talking about the Fine Arts Center and that a lot of it is singing notes off of the sheet music and I was like "what?? i don't sing! I can't sing notes off of the sheet...that's something I can't do" And then my dad got on to me and was like "that's why you take the class! to learn how to do that" and he got mad beacuse I was being an idiot...and then I just started sobbing uncontrollably while he was talking to me and my mascara started getting into my eyes and it was burning really bad so finally I got up and went in the bathroom to clean my face. Then I came back and my mom was trying to convince my dad that they did talk about my college plans and stuff. Well I was still crying...and we got into this discussion and I got so emotional and was saying that all I do is just lay around all day and I don't really do anything. And I don't have a lot of friends because I don't do any sports or anything...and I was saying I feel stuck at home doing nothing because I don't go anywhere. I don't go to school, I just go to co-op twice a week. And even then it's for a short time so I don't really have that many friends there. I just don't really go anywhere during the week...and our family doesn't have a lot of money so my mom can't just drive me everywhere I want to go because gas is just too darn expensive. I was just sitting there crying about all of these things that I was feeling. That lasted for a really long time. And then my dad was trying to make me feel better and stuff and he was like "well we can drive you to your friends house. That's no big deal. Who are you friends?" And I told him Savannah and Gerry but they live so far away! and I started crying again... and then he was saying he could take me over there but I told him that I feel like it's such a hassle on for them to take me places, which is true, especially Savannah and Gerry's house. And he was like "where did you get that idea from?" So I told him that I got it from Mom...because that's the reason I can't ever go over there because they live almost 40 minutes away and it's so hard to work out how to get me there.

Well finally I calmed down more...I was still really sad but by now we had decided that I could go to the Touchet's house more often.

Then my parents started talking about college...and they were sort of arguing about it and stuff. I didn't want to be around that so I just went upstairs and took a bath to clear my head and listened to Five Score from top to bottom. Then I went to bed.

This morning I woke up and my mom said she wanted to talk to me. So I went in her room and we talked about college and stuff. And she said that I couldn't go to the Fine Arts Center because she didn't want me to be around all of the freaks that are gonna be there and stuff...since i'm so young...so we're gonna look for a different theory class to take. Maybe a pre-college class at Greenville Tech or North Greenville (even though North Greenville isn't where I would go to school...ever...for lots and lots of reasons) or something. She said that when I'm 16 I'll probably go to Bob Jones University, or maybe even Greenville Tech for 2 years and then I can transfer anywhere I want. I was thinking..."Bob Jones...hah, no." So then she went on about everything I was saying about feeling stuck and home and she said it's just because I'm 14...and I can't wait to be 15. And she's right. And she was saying that I really only have 2 months to wait...because in April I'll get my permit and in May I'll have a job so I'll have somewhere to go besides just staying at home. Then when October comes around it'll be awesome because then I'll be able to drive by myself and go anywhere I want to. I did feel pretty good about everything my mom was saying...besides Bob Jones haha.

After that, I went downstairs for breakfast and my dad said that he wanted to talk to me. First he apologized for getting mad at me and saying I was an idiot and stuff. He said he shouldn't have done that...and he talked about how men and women react to situations differently. Women get emotional and men just go on "attack mode" as he put it. So I was glad that he apologized. Then he said how he misunderstood my mom and he thought that I would be going to college NEXT year..when I'm 15...so that's why he was so against it and so upset that my mom didn't talk to him about that. He didn't understand that we were talking about 2 different years. Fine Arts Center was for next school year and then going to Greenville Tech would be when I'm 16. He misunderstood that. So he basically told me the good things about Bob Jones and that they're not as legalistic as they used to be... so now I feel good about going there. Plus they have one of the best music programs anywhere...so that will be awesome.

I was pretty happy then.
I'm glad that we got a lot of things settled.

My mom also talked about how she hasn't done a good job of teaching me Bible in school so we're gonna start something new. So we decided I would read The Journey series by Richard P. Belcher. The first book is A Journey In Grace. It's a theological novel about Calvinisim. It's really intresting...I've read it before when I was 10 or 11 so I didn't really understand all of it so we decided to read it again. I'm really excited about that though. I encourage you to read it one day. You'll really learn a lot.

All in all, today was a pretty good day.
I just wish I was 15 already. Haha.