Watch videos here:
http://youtube.com/user/smilelikeyoumeanit41
View pictures here:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=1859&l=6674c&id=1110819575
So the Eleventyseven show last night was pretty much AWESOME! I'll start at the beginning of the day, which was very crappy, and then go on to the end of the day, which was awesome. :)
Well, originally I thought we would be going at around 3 o'clock or so...just because that would be awesome...but Cecelia called me and said that they wouldn't be going until around 4:30. I was okay with that...but waiting all day was hard. In case you don't know, I get very stressed out before concerts. It FINALLY was 4:20 and Cecelia called and said they had left so that means that I would leave in about 15 minutes in order to get to the church at the same time they did. Well, I got there and I didn't see the Alfonso's car so I figured they must not have been there yet. So me and my mom waited about 5 minutes and then I decided to call Cecelia but she didn't answer so I also called Celeste and she didn't answer. We waited a few more minutes and then Jonathan walked out the door and my mom said, "who is that and why does he have yellow and blue hair and a mohawk? Who has a mohawk?" Knowing that she didn't like it, I didn't tell her that I knew who he was so I just said "I don't know." Then a couple minutes later Amy, my 5-year-old little sister, said, "Christi I saw Jonathan come outside! Why does he have blue hair?" I thought to myself "oh crap." After Amy said that my mom said, "Who was that??" and I told her it was Jonathan and she said something like, "These people are weird and you guys are acting like a bunch of groupies." I could tell she was not happy. After a few more minutes of waiting my mom said she couldn't wait anymore and she had to go to the post office which is 7 minutes away from the church. I was really mad now..because I knew that it would take us so long to get there and chances are we'd get stopped at every single red light along the way, and as soon as we left the Alfonso's would probably get there. We left for the post office and, you guessed it, we got stopped at almost every single red light. We finally got back to the church at 5:30 (we got there at 5 originally.) I still didn't see the Alfonso's car so I called Cecelia to ask her where she was. She was already inside. Crap. I asked her to come outside, which she did, and I found out that they got to the church a few minutes before I did THE FIRST TIME and I didn't know they were there because I didn't see their car because I didn't know they were being dropped off and also I called them and they didn't answer. Since I already get stressed enough as it is before concerts, as you can imagine, I almost broke down and cried right there in the parking lot. I went back to the car and told my mom, almost in tears, "Mom! They've been here the whole time!" to which she replied, "I'm sorry. Don't have an attitude or you'll get right back in the car and go home. Do you want to do that?" I of course said no and then went inside.
When we went in there Matt was about to show Cecelia and Celeste everything about the merch and stuff so I listened while I was about to hyperventilate (sp?). When he was done I explained to Cecelia the whole situation and she gave me a big hug. I still wasn't feeling any better so she said, "You need a Caleb hug". She walked me over to the table where Caleb and Ryne were sitting. I'm sure I looked like I jerk when I saw Ryne the first time because I was definitely in no mood for socializing. Cecelia told Caleb that I needed a hug and after that followed the most awkward moment of the night. Who wants to be interrupted in the middle of the conversation only for some random girl to sit down and give you a hug...while sitting down. Sitting down hugs are weird. Especially when there's 2 people sitting on the other side of the table staring at you. After the awkward hug I still didn't feel any better because I'd never experienced the infamous "Caleb hug" and that one was just lame. After several minutes of just sitting there trying to calm myself down, Jonathan finally came in to tell me, Cecelia, and Celeste how to handle the money and all that jazz so we could work the merch table correctly. After that I finally started feeling better but by then it was 6 o'clock, the time the doors were supposed to open. So I basically got there and didn't get to talk to any of the guys except to listen to Matt explaining what shirt sizes were what, receive an awkward hug from Caleb, and listen to Jonathan talk about tallying and credit card machines and boring stuff like that.
Now that the doors were open, me, Celeste, and Cecelia could start doing our job at the merch table. I am so glad that the first person to use the credit card machine was Mrs. Costa because I screwed up haha. She was buying a shirt and a CD which is supposed to cost 20 dollars but I only counted for the shirt so I swiped her card and put in $8 and she had to sign that receipt and then she told me they also wanted the CD. I forgot that a shirt and a CD was 20 dollars and not 15 dollars so I only charged her card 7 dollars (8+7=15) and she had to sign another receipt. Then I finally realized my mistake so I had to charge her ANOTHER 5 dollars and make her sign yet another receipt. I felt really dumb after that. After several minutes a bunch of my friends from co-op started showing up so they'd come by to say hello and I'd practice my awesome salesperson skills on them. After doing merch for a little bit Caleb came over there and Cecelia said something to him and he looked over at me and said to come over there. I didn't know what was going on but then he gave me a big hug and said he loved me. YES! I finally got a Caleb hug!
It was finally 7 o'clock and time for the show to start. I was feeling a lot better now that I'd gotten over all the crap that happened earlier so I went to watch Days Off Screen. They were really awesome. It was my second time seeing them and I enjoyed them more than I did the first time. After them was The Switch. If I didn't know the lead singer wasn't a Christian, I'd bet a lot of money that he was gay. haha. They were okay I guess, but I liked Days Off Screen a lot better. After them it was finally time for Eleventyseven!! Their show was AMAZING, as always, and I definitely got several cramps in my side from jumping up and down so much because I don't exercise except for in the summer. I definitely burned a lot of calories. After a couple songs it was time for the hoe down. Caleb called me and Cecelia on stage to do the hoe down. I have a video :).
(You can't see us very well. We're to the left of the robot and that other girl. I'm wearing shorts and a blue save the unicorns shirt)
The rest of their show was amazing. Matt told a lovely story about his nose.
When life gives you cliff hangers, you say..."LOOK! A MUTANT FALCON!"
I'm sure Connor and Keone thought I was a freak because they've never seen me at an Eleventyseven concert. Haha, awesome. I loved watching Caleb and Celeste make jokes throughout the show. Their last song was Anti-Adieu. Matt picked Cecelia, Erica, and some other people to come on stage and dance, since it was their last song, and Caleb picked me and Celeste (I don't have a video of that). It was crazy fun. My side was hurting (cramps because I never exercise) but did that stop me? Heck no.
After that me and Cecelia rushed back to the merch table because we knew a lot of people would want to buy stuff after the show. I needed water really bad. Thankfully there were a few bottles under the table. Eleanor drew an amazing picture of a unicorn for me and I asked her to get it signed by the guys for me. She took it home to scan it but she's gonna give it back to me when I see her on Monday. Virgina and Eleanor also made the guys some really cool key chains and I helped them decide which one to give to which guy. After that, Caleb drew a very awesome picture on the back of the shirt that I made for the last Eleventy concert I went to. It said I heart ducks :D. While we were helping the guys load up all their stuff my mom called. She wanted to know what was going on so I told her that we would be leaving soon and we were going to go out to eat and I'd call her when we got there. The guys were packing up stuff and I noticed Caleb wasn't busy at the moment so I went over there and asked him if I could get a picture with him real fast since he wasn't doing anything right then. He said no and then walked off. Then he came back and gave me another big hug and went on to do something else. When everyone left I got pictures with the guys and got them to sign my poster. I definitely dropped my bag in front of Matt and a whole bunch of other people and a ton of stuff fell out of my bag. All I said was, "crap". This guy (don't know who he was) helped me pick up my stuff and Mr. Alfonso and Matt were joking about if I had done that at school while a bully was walking by. Mr. Alfonso said something else that was funny but I forgot what it was.
We helped the guys load up all their stuff into the van and then we decided to go to Denny's. Me, Celeste, and Cecelia rode in the van with Caleb. I decided that it would be best to call my mom back after I ordered so that she couldn't get mad and come get me right when we got there because we did get there a little later than I expected. Before we ordered, my dad called. I am SO glad that it was my dad who called and not my mom because he tends to be more gracious about things. I could tell he was a little upset that it was after 11 and we hadn't ordered yet, when Mom called around 10 and I told her we'd be leaving soon. He was nice though and told me to call him once our food got there so that he could pick me up later. Denny's was awesome. Me, most of the Alfonso's, Sara, and this other girl sat at a table with Jonathan and Caleb. Matt was in a booth with his girlfriend, Kyle (the robot), and some other person...(I think he was one of The Switch guys), and the rest of the Alfonso's were at a table with some other guys from The Switch. While we were waiting for our food we were talking about random stuff with Caleb and then he randomly looks at me and says, "You're a really fun person, man" (even though I'm not a man). I awkwardly replied, "Thanks...you're a really fun person too". I called my dad when our food finally got there and he'd said he would be over there soon and he also said not to rush because he'd give me enough time to eat. I love my daddy :). I noticed that Jon and Caleb still had their key chains that Virginia and Eleanor made. I'm sure they'd be happy of that. I told Jon that my friends made those and one of them drew a really awesome picture of a unicorn. He said something like, "Oh yeah. I remember signing that." Sitting across from Caleb was really awesome since I didn't get to hang out with any of the guys before the show. My dad got there, and I left.
Overall, the night was really fun. I didn't really talk to Matt at all except to make sure that he got the receipts that were on the floor by the cash box thing. He said that was really thoughtful of me to come over there and check haha. I talked to Jon a little bit at the show and at Denny's but I talked to Caleb the most. He's my favorite (don't tell the other guys).
Oh, Eleventygirls, here's your video from Matt :D
First one from Caleb:
Caleb take 2:
From Jon:
When I was leaving Denny's, I had to come back to the table because I forgot to leave a tip and Caleb was like, "miss me already?" I kinda shrugged my shoulders and said yeah then said bye again and Caleb laughed so then I left. Cecelia just told me that after that Caleb turned around and looked at Jonathan and said, "Dude man, you gotta hear that chick play the piano." Then Jonathan said, "Really?" Then Caleb said, "Yeah dude, it's amazing. She plays like these classical pieces, like, by memory. It's one of the most incredible things I've ever seen."
:D That makes me happy :D I find it funny that he's so amazed by that...
Haha, I ought to take him to the MTA recital that I play at sometimes. The people who play there are INSANE. That'd be a mind boggling experience for him.
Last night was awesome. Now I'm gonna go back to bed because I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
*theend*
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
He's alive!
He's Alive by Don Francisco
The gates and doors were barred and all the windows fastened down.
I spent the night in sleeplessness and rose at every sound.
Half in hopeless sorrow and half in fear the day
Would find the soldiers breaking through to drag us all away.
And just before the sunrise I heard something at the wall.
The gate began to rattle and a voice began to call.
I hurried to the window and looked down into the street
Expecting swords and torches and the sound of soldiers feet.
There was no one there but Mary so I went down to let her in.
John stood there beside me as she told us where she'd been.
She said "They moved Him in the night and none of us knows where.
The stone's been rolled away and now His body isn't there."
We both ran toward the garden, then John ran on ahead.
We found the stone and the empty tomb just the way that Mary said.
But the winding sheet they wrapped Him in was just an empty shell.
And how or where they'd taken Him was more than I could tell.
Well, something strange had happened there, but, just what I didn't know.
John believed a miracle but I just turned to go.
Circumstance and speculation couldn't lift me very high,
Cause I'd seen them crucify Him, then I saw Him die.
Back inside the house again, the guilt and anguish came.
Everything I'd promised Him just added to my shame.
When, at last, it came to choices, I denied I knew His name.
And even if he was alive, it wouldn't be the same.
But suddenly the air was filled with strange and sweet perfume.
Light that came from everywhere drove shadows from the room.
Jesus stood before me with His arms held open wide
And I fell down on my knees and just clung to Him and cried.
He raised me to my feet and, as I looked into His eyes,
Love was shining out from Him, like sun light from the skies.
Guilt and my confusion disappeared in sweet release,
Every fear I'd ever had just melted into peace.
He's alive! He's alive!
He's alive and I'm forgiven, heaven's gates are open wide.
He's alive! He's alive!
He's alive and I'm forgiven, heaven's gates are open wide.
He's alive!
He's alive!
He's alive!
The gates and doors were barred and all the windows fastened down.
I spent the night in sleeplessness and rose at every sound.
Half in hopeless sorrow and half in fear the day
Would find the soldiers breaking through to drag us all away.
And just before the sunrise I heard something at the wall.
The gate began to rattle and a voice began to call.
I hurried to the window and looked down into the street
Expecting swords and torches and the sound of soldiers feet.
There was no one there but Mary so I went down to let her in.
John stood there beside me as she told us where she'd been.
She said "They moved Him in the night and none of us knows where.
The stone's been rolled away and now His body isn't there."
We both ran toward the garden, then John ran on ahead.
We found the stone and the empty tomb just the way that Mary said.
But the winding sheet they wrapped Him in was just an empty shell.
And how or where they'd taken Him was more than I could tell.
Well, something strange had happened there, but, just what I didn't know.
John believed a miracle but I just turned to go.
Circumstance and speculation couldn't lift me very high,
Cause I'd seen them crucify Him, then I saw Him die.
Back inside the house again, the guilt and anguish came.
Everything I'd promised Him just added to my shame.
When, at last, it came to choices, I denied I knew His name.
And even if he was alive, it wouldn't be the same.
But suddenly the air was filled with strange and sweet perfume.
Light that came from everywhere drove shadows from the room.
Jesus stood before me with His arms held open wide
And I fell down on my knees and just clung to Him and cried.
He raised me to my feet and, as I looked into His eyes,
Love was shining out from Him, like sun light from the skies.
Guilt and my confusion disappeared in sweet release,
Every fear I'd ever had just melted into peace.
He's alive! He's alive!
He's alive and I'm forgiven, heaven's gates are open wide.
He's alive! He's alive!
He's alive and I'm forgiven, heaven's gates are open wide.
He's alive!
He's alive!
He's alive!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Life is good.
So...I changed the look of my blog. I wanted something different. I'm gonna try to customize one later.
I've been procrastinating a lot lately with my school work. I'm way behind in French and Math. I need to catch up...I might have to do some over spring break (which starts tomorrow WHOOO!!!). I've also been procrastinating with my piano practicing. To fix that problem my mom said that she would take me to the church three times a week to practice for 2 hours. I'm really excited about that. There's just something different about playing on a bigger, better piano. My piano isn't really that great and it doesn't have as big of a sound as I would like. I don't get very excited when I play on my piano. But, at the church, I love that piano. It's a pretty good sized grand piano (mine is an upright) and plus, since it's in the sanctuary, it fills the whole place with a big, bold, exciting sound. There's something different about playing on a really great piano versus a not so great piano. It's really exhilarating. I try to explain it to people who aren't musical but they just think I'm crazy. Silly peoples.
My mom signed me up for violin lessons again this summer. I'm happy about that too. I didn't do it last summer so my violin's just kind of been sitting under my bed collecting dust. How sad. I think it deserves to be played. Hopefully I'll learn a lot...I really haven't had that many lessons but I do enjoy it.
My youth group has started a praise team. Me, my brother, and one other guy are doing the music. Sometimes I'll play the guitar, sometimes I'll play the piano. Last week I played the tambourine :). We've sang in church twice already. The first time we sang For The Moments I Feel Faint by Relient K and last week we sang Blessed be the Name by Tree63. I think we sound pretty good. I want to do Carried to the Table by Leeland. I figured out how to play it on the guitar and I think it'd be a really great song to do. I just love that song...it's so powerful. It almost brings me to tears every time I hear it. God is awesome.
In six days I will be spending the day with the most amazing people I know. Jon, Matt, and Caleb from Eleventyseven :D. I'm so excited for this show. I haven't been to an Eleventyseven show since September. It's gonna be great. I'm planning on getting there about three hours early. Whenever the Alfonso's get there. I want to spend the night with them after the show but I'm not sure if I am yet. Caleb said me and Cecelia are gonna do the hoe down on stage haha. I also might be helping Cecelia work their merch table so that will be fun. I'M SOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!
Caleb is seriously the coolest, sweetest guy on the planet. I've seen him since September and talked to him on the phone. He's the greatest. He thinks I'm amazing on the piano. He said so. Not that I'm bragging or anything :)
Alright...well that's enough for now.
Life is good.
*theend*
I've been procrastinating a lot lately with my school work. I'm way behind in French and Math. I need to catch up...I might have to do some over spring break (which starts tomorrow WHOOO!!!). I've also been procrastinating with my piano practicing. To fix that problem my mom said that she would take me to the church three times a week to practice for 2 hours. I'm really excited about that. There's just something different about playing on a bigger, better piano. My piano isn't really that great and it doesn't have as big of a sound as I would like. I don't get very excited when I play on my piano. But, at the church, I love that piano. It's a pretty good sized grand piano (mine is an upright) and plus, since it's in the sanctuary, it fills the whole place with a big, bold, exciting sound. There's something different about playing on a really great piano versus a not so great piano. It's really exhilarating. I try to explain it to people who aren't musical but they just think I'm crazy. Silly peoples.
My mom signed me up for violin lessons again this summer. I'm happy about that too. I didn't do it last summer so my violin's just kind of been sitting under my bed collecting dust. How sad. I think it deserves to be played. Hopefully I'll learn a lot...I really haven't had that many lessons but I do enjoy it.
My youth group has started a praise team. Me, my brother, and one other guy are doing the music. Sometimes I'll play the guitar, sometimes I'll play the piano. Last week I played the tambourine :). We've sang in church twice already. The first time we sang For The Moments I Feel Faint by Relient K and last week we sang Blessed be the Name by Tree63. I think we sound pretty good. I want to do Carried to the Table by Leeland. I figured out how to play it on the guitar and I think it'd be a really great song to do. I just love that song...it's so powerful. It almost brings me to tears every time I hear it. God is awesome.
In six days I will be spending the day with the most amazing people I know. Jon, Matt, and Caleb from Eleventyseven :D. I'm so excited for this show. I haven't been to an Eleventyseven show since September. It's gonna be great. I'm planning on getting there about three hours early. Whenever the Alfonso's get there. I want to spend the night with them after the show but I'm not sure if I am yet. Caleb said me and Cecelia are gonna do the hoe down on stage haha. I also might be helping Cecelia work their merch table so that will be fun. I'M SOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!
Caleb is seriously the coolest, sweetest guy on the planet. I've seen him since September and talked to him on the phone. He's the greatest. He thinks I'm amazing on the piano. He said so. Not that I'm bragging or anything :)
Alright...well that's enough for now.
Life is good.
*theend*
Monday, March 17, 2008
Blog for today (I'm so uncreative with titles)
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately…which is generally what causes me to write a blog like this. I guess that makes sense since blogs are generally where one’s thoughts are written down. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. Some good things…and also some things that I need to work on in my life. I’ll start with the good and joyful stuff.
I’ve been so amazed by God lately. I think part of it is because of the books I’m reading. I’m reading the Journey series by Richard Belcher. They’re theological novels and since it’s what I’m reading it’s what I’ve been pondering upon. I’m sure it’s also because there’s a lot of Scripture in the books and I haven’t been reading Scripture like I should. Actually, I haven’t been reading Scripture at all except for at church. That’s a really stupid thing to do. It’s impossible to be sanctified if you’re not in the Word. Since I’ve started reading these books I’ve been thinking about God and how awesome He is a lot more. It’s just an amazing feeling…and I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on it by not picking up my Bible and studying the Word during the week. I’m so incredibly thankful for what God has done in my life and for choosing me to be one of His children. There’s been a theological discussion going on in the Relient K forums and pretty much all of those people have the wrong interpretation of the Gospel and they’re just blind to the truth. It really makes me heartbroken, but it also makes me more thankful that God has revealed to me the wonderful things in His word that I know to be true and so many others reject it.
I’ve also been realizing a lot more lately just how completely sovereign God is over every part of my life. It’s just about little things too…like if I hadn’t have done something…something else good wouldn’t have happened. I’ve also been more patient in difficult situations that I think are just impossible to get out of because I know that God has a plan and He’ll work everything out for my good. It’s just so comforting to know that there’s someone so much bigger than me who cares about me and has planned everything that’s going to happen in my life…and that it’s all for my good. Amazing.
Another thing I’ve also been realizing more is just how much I sin. I’m a sinner. I sin so many times every day and I hate it. I sin in many different ways but it’s more so for one particular sin in my life. It sees I fail there time and time again, and every time I do that I tell myself “okay, I’m never doing that again. I know that I shouldn’t before I do it, and I know how bad I feel after I do it, so I’m just going to stop doing it” but every time I come back and do it again and have to ask the Lord for forgiveness one more time. What’s so amazing is that I know He forgives me. That sin and all the rest of my sins and the sins I haven’t committed yet have already been paid for at the cross. That’s just so incredible…that the perfect sinless God would forgive me…a horrible sinner. The Bible says I’m just a grasshopper in His eyes…and yet He cares for me. I can’t even fathom that. I can’t express how thankful I am for that. Saying thank you millions of times wouldn’t be enough. Now, that doesn’t give me the right to just keep sinning because my sins have been paid for. I hate my sin and I feel so bad after I sin and I feel so ashamed to have to ask the Lord for forgiveness once again.
Something that’s been bothering me a whole lot lately is that I’ve been getting jealous a lot. I hate being jealous because jealousy is a sin. There’s only one person that I get jealous of. It’s not because that person lives in an amazing house with everything she could ever possibly want it’s because her life just seems so perfect. Her mom takes her to places that she wants to go to, and she gets to go to all of the concerts that she could ever want to go to, and so many amazing and fantastic things just keep happening to her and her family. It’s like nothing bad could ever happen to them…only good things. And I’m so ashamed of thinking these thoughts but it makes me so upset because my life is far from perfect. I love my family and I have more than I need but it seems like nothing amazing happens to me like it happens to her family. I get so upset about it…and every time she talks about something great that happened to her (which is very often) it makes me even more upset. Why can’t I just be happy for her? I’m a Christian and that’s what should happen. I should be rejoicing with her instead of being jealous and upset. I’ve gotten so upset that it’s brought me to tears many times thinking about just how awesome her life is…and how so many amazing things happen to her…and how amazing things just don’t seem to happen to me. There have been opportunities for amazing things to happen to me that have to do with something amazing that happened to her but it always ends up not happening because of something stupid. Either because someone can’t drive me, or because I get sick, or because I have to baby sit that that day and so many other reasons that have come up. I could give you so many examples of things like that but it’d take too much time. I try so hard not to be upset but I can’t help it. That’s how it is all the time for me. Every single time my friend talks about another amazing thing that happens in her life I get jealous. I don’t want to be jealous!!! Why can’t I just be happy?!?! I want so much to be happy for her!! But I can’t be! It makes me even more sad to think about how selfish I’m being. Not only do I cry because I’m upset amazing things don’t happen to me, but I cry about how selfish I’m being when I think those thoughts and how much I don’t want to be selfish. I shouldn’t be jealous…I should happy for what God has blessed me with and I should also be happy for my friend because her life is awesome. My life is awesome too…why can’t I accept that? I pray to God that He would help me to be happy instead of jealous. I do eventually get over it and be happy, but then I just go right back to being upset and jealous when something else amazing happens to my friend. I don’t get jealous of anybody else but her and I don’t understand why. I don’t understand why I can’t be happy. I don’t understand why I have to get jealous. I don’t understand any of it. I find myself wishing that amazing things would stop happening to her because of how I feel about it. I don’t want to think thoughts like that…believe me I don’t. I’m so ashamed to even say that I think thoughts like that. My prayer is that God would help me to be happy and to not get jealous and to just be thankful for what I have. My life doesn’t have to be awesome as awesome as everybody else’s. I know that…I do…and I believe that…and I don’t care most of the time that my life isn’t the greatest in the world but the only time I wish my life was better is when that friend of mine talks about the amazing things that happen to her. I don’t want to have those terrible feelings of jealousy anymore. Please take them away from me Lord. Show how I can stop being jealous of her.
Okay…well that was a super long paragraph about my whining and complaining. Please forgive me for that. I’ll talk about something happy now. I get to see Eleventyseven on March 26th. I haven’t seen an Eleventyseven show in over 6 months. Me and Cecelia are doing the hoe down on stage. Cecelia told Caleb we were. Haha. I’m so excited about seeing the guys again. Sooooooooooooooo excited!!! :D I’ve seen Caleb since the last show I went to but I haven’t seen any of the other guys since then. I’ll blog about it after the show. I’m sure I’ll have some great pictures too :D.
I had a job interview the other day. I want to be a lifeguard this summer. The lady said I have the job if I pass the lifeguard training class, which I’m sure I will, so that’s exciting. It’s my first job…and I’m happy about it because I need some extra money for stuff I need (want). Well, I do need some new clothes. I also want to buy some CD’s…maybe start scratching off some of the 30+ on my list of CD’s I want. I am going to give 10% of my money to the church…and the rest of it I’m saving for when I need it. Like for movies or concerts or something. I’m also excited about next month. My birthday is on April 16th and I’m going to get my permit (if I pass the test). I’m really really excited. I’ve been so bored just being at home all the time…but getting my permit is just one step closer to being able to go wherever I want during any daylight hour. Haha.
Alright…well that’s enough blogging for now. Sorry it was so long.
I’ve been so amazed by God lately. I think part of it is because of the books I’m reading. I’m reading the Journey series by Richard Belcher. They’re theological novels and since it’s what I’m reading it’s what I’ve been pondering upon. I’m sure it’s also because there’s a lot of Scripture in the books and I haven’t been reading Scripture like I should. Actually, I haven’t been reading Scripture at all except for at church. That’s a really stupid thing to do. It’s impossible to be sanctified if you’re not in the Word. Since I’ve started reading these books I’ve been thinking about God and how awesome He is a lot more. It’s just an amazing feeling…and I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on it by not picking up my Bible and studying the Word during the week. I’m so incredibly thankful for what God has done in my life and for choosing me to be one of His children. There’s been a theological discussion going on in the Relient K forums and pretty much all of those people have the wrong interpretation of the Gospel and they’re just blind to the truth. It really makes me heartbroken, but it also makes me more thankful that God has revealed to me the wonderful things in His word that I know to be true and so many others reject it.
I’ve also been realizing a lot more lately just how completely sovereign God is over every part of my life. It’s just about little things too…like if I hadn’t have done something…something else good wouldn’t have happened. I’ve also been more patient in difficult situations that I think are just impossible to get out of because I know that God has a plan and He’ll work everything out for my good. It’s just so comforting to know that there’s someone so much bigger than me who cares about me and has planned everything that’s going to happen in my life…and that it’s all for my good. Amazing.
Another thing I’ve also been realizing more is just how much I sin. I’m a sinner. I sin so many times every day and I hate it. I sin in many different ways but it’s more so for one particular sin in my life. It sees I fail there time and time again, and every time I do that I tell myself “okay, I’m never doing that again. I know that I shouldn’t before I do it, and I know how bad I feel after I do it, so I’m just going to stop doing it” but every time I come back and do it again and have to ask the Lord for forgiveness one more time. What’s so amazing is that I know He forgives me. That sin and all the rest of my sins and the sins I haven’t committed yet have already been paid for at the cross. That’s just so incredible…that the perfect sinless God would forgive me…a horrible sinner. The Bible says I’m just a grasshopper in His eyes…and yet He cares for me. I can’t even fathom that. I can’t express how thankful I am for that. Saying thank you millions of times wouldn’t be enough. Now, that doesn’t give me the right to just keep sinning because my sins have been paid for. I hate my sin and I feel so bad after I sin and I feel so ashamed to have to ask the Lord for forgiveness once again.
Something that’s been bothering me a whole lot lately is that I’ve been getting jealous a lot. I hate being jealous because jealousy is a sin. There’s only one person that I get jealous of. It’s not because that person lives in an amazing house with everything she could ever possibly want it’s because her life just seems so perfect. Her mom takes her to places that she wants to go to, and she gets to go to all of the concerts that she could ever want to go to, and so many amazing and fantastic things just keep happening to her and her family. It’s like nothing bad could ever happen to them…only good things. And I’m so ashamed of thinking these thoughts but it makes me so upset because my life is far from perfect. I love my family and I have more than I need but it seems like nothing amazing happens to me like it happens to her family. I get so upset about it…and every time she talks about something great that happened to her (which is very often) it makes me even more upset. Why can’t I just be happy for her? I’m a Christian and that’s what should happen. I should be rejoicing with her instead of being jealous and upset. I’ve gotten so upset that it’s brought me to tears many times thinking about just how awesome her life is…and how so many amazing things happen to her…and how amazing things just don’t seem to happen to me. There have been opportunities for amazing things to happen to me that have to do with something amazing that happened to her but it always ends up not happening because of something stupid. Either because someone can’t drive me, or because I get sick, or because I have to baby sit that that day and so many other reasons that have come up. I could give you so many examples of things like that but it’d take too much time. I try so hard not to be upset but I can’t help it. That’s how it is all the time for me. Every single time my friend talks about another amazing thing that happens in her life I get jealous. I don’t want to be jealous!!! Why can’t I just be happy?!?! I want so much to be happy for her!! But I can’t be! It makes me even more sad to think about how selfish I’m being. Not only do I cry because I’m upset amazing things don’t happen to me, but I cry about how selfish I’m being when I think those thoughts and how much I don’t want to be selfish. I shouldn’t be jealous…I should happy for what God has blessed me with and I should also be happy for my friend because her life is awesome. My life is awesome too…why can’t I accept that? I pray to God that He would help me to be happy instead of jealous. I do eventually get over it and be happy, but then I just go right back to being upset and jealous when something else amazing happens to my friend. I don’t get jealous of anybody else but her and I don’t understand why. I don’t understand why I can’t be happy. I don’t understand why I have to get jealous. I don’t understand any of it. I find myself wishing that amazing things would stop happening to her because of how I feel about it. I don’t want to think thoughts like that…believe me I don’t. I’m so ashamed to even say that I think thoughts like that. My prayer is that God would help me to be happy and to not get jealous and to just be thankful for what I have. My life doesn’t have to be awesome as awesome as everybody else’s. I know that…I do…and I believe that…and I don’t care most of the time that my life isn’t the greatest in the world but the only time I wish my life was better is when that friend of mine talks about the amazing things that happen to her. I don’t want to have those terrible feelings of jealousy anymore. Please take them away from me Lord. Show how I can stop being jealous of her.
Okay…well that was a super long paragraph about my whining and complaining. Please forgive me for that. I’ll talk about something happy now. I get to see Eleventyseven on March 26th. I haven’t seen an Eleventyseven show in over 6 months. Me and Cecelia are doing the hoe down on stage. Cecelia told Caleb we were. Haha. I’m so excited about seeing the guys again. Sooooooooooooooo excited!!! :D I’ve seen Caleb since the last show I went to but I haven’t seen any of the other guys since then. I’ll blog about it after the show. I’m sure I’ll have some great pictures too :D.
I had a job interview the other day. I want to be a lifeguard this summer. The lady said I have the job if I pass the lifeguard training class, which I’m sure I will, so that’s exciting. It’s my first job…and I’m happy about it because I need some extra money for stuff I need (want). Well, I do need some new clothes. I also want to buy some CD’s…maybe start scratching off some of the 30+ on my list of CD’s I want. I am going to give 10% of my money to the church…and the rest of it I’m saving for when I need it. Like for movies or concerts or something. I’m also excited about next month. My birthday is on April 16th and I’m going to get my permit (if I pass the test). I’m really really excited. I’ve been so bored just being at home all the time…but getting my permit is just one step closer to being able to go wherever I want during any daylight hour. Haha.
Alright…well that’s enough blogging for now. Sorry it was so long.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
I said I would post once a week
But I have failed.
I shall start again.
I'm really pissed off by Plato's Closet. I had this giant basket of clothes and I had some really great stuff in it. I had 4 pairs of really great jeans and 2 really cute purses (on the sign of what they needed it said jeans and accessories) and I had some really great polos that looked brand new. I also had some aeropostale shirts and an american eagle shirt and some american eagle shorts. There was only like 3 or 4 things I didn't think they would take but when I went to pick up my basket the only things they took was 2 of my brothers shirts (the only things he brought there) and this hideous dress that some girl gave me and I got 10 dollars for that stuff but I have to give 5 to my brother since his shirts sold. I was hoping I'd get at least 20 dollars because that's what I got last time and I need the money for the eleventyseven concert on the 26th. I'm gonna take the coolest stuff back up there some time next week and see if they'll take some of it...because there was seriously nothing wrong with my stuff.
Anyway...I'm still really excited about the eleventy show coming up. I talked to Caleb on the phone today. He still can't get over my amazing piano playing skills. Haha.
I was pondering a question about evil...and I don't know the answer to it...and then I started reading a new Journey book...and look at a paragraph a character in the story said!!
" I know God is sovereign, but I do admit that I have a problem with His sovereignty and the will of man---especially the wicked deeds performed by the wicked wills of wicked men. How could God ever have foreordained some of the despicable deeds of the most depraved and perverted men?"
WHOA!!!! Is that not the providence of God right there?!?! That's part of the problem the people had on the rk boards...and I don't really know the answer but that's in my book!!! God is awesome.
Knowing Richard Belcher...he will answer that question and he will answer it Biblically!!!
I'm like, really excited now. Haha.
Anyway...I'll try to post once a week from now on :)
I shall start again.
I'm really pissed off by Plato's Closet. I had this giant basket of clothes and I had some really great stuff in it. I had 4 pairs of really great jeans and 2 really cute purses (on the sign of what they needed it said jeans and accessories) and I had some really great polos that looked brand new. I also had some aeropostale shirts and an american eagle shirt and some american eagle shorts. There was only like 3 or 4 things I didn't think they would take but when I went to pick up my basket the only things they took was 2 of my brothers shirts (the only things he brought there) and this hideous dress that some girl gave me and I got 10 dollars for that stuff but I have to give 5 to my brother since his shirts sold. I was hoping I'd get at least 20 dollars because that's what I got last time and I need the money for the eleventyseven concert on the 26th. I'm gonna take the coolest stuff back up there some time next week and see if they'll take some of it...because there was seriously nothing wrong with my stuff.
Anyway...I'm still really excited about the eleventy show coming up. I talked to Caleb on the phone today. He still can't get over my amazing piano playing skills. Haha.
I was pondering a question about evil...and I don't know the answer to it...and then I started reading a new Journey book...and look at a paragraph a character in the story said!!
" I know God is sovereign, but I do admit that I have a problem with His sovereignty and the will of man---especially the wicked deeds performed by the wicked wills of wicked men. How could God ever have foreordained some of the despicable deeds of the most depraved and perverted men?"
WHOA!!!! Is that not the providence of God right there?!?! That's part of the problem the people had on the rk boards...and I don't really know the answer but that's in my book!!! God is awesome.
Knowing Richard Belcher...he will answer that question and he will answer it Biblically!!!
I'm like, really excited now. Haha.
Anyway...I'll try to post once a week from now on :)
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